Easter 2013

This past weekend God used Jed, Nora, myself, and about 20 other beautiful and broken sinners to show over 3,000 people at Easter service how HE has changed us.  He started, and completed His work in us…and is still working!  www.gotquestions.org describes a public testimony as follows:  “A Christian testimony is given when Christians relate how we came to know the God of the Bible through the moving of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. Most commonly, we are sharing how we became Christians by God’s miraculous intervention and work in our lives through specific events.  Often we can only see that in hindsight, but sharing that experience is vital.”  Being vulnerable is scary, but the blessings far outweigh any fear or retribution we might experience.  Giving a Christian testimony is not about us.  It’s about Him.

My mask is finally off.  When you are your authentic self, you have nothing to hide.  My past is painful and ugly, but once I faced it, dug deep to find the energy to process through it, and moved forward, I was left with an amazing sense of freedom.  Freedom to be me and not someone I thought people would like.  Freedom to be honest about my problems and struggles and to share them. Freedom to share how God has led me through the darkest days of my life and how He can help others too. 

I want to make very clear that I will never force my beliefs onto anyone.  We are all entitled to our own beliefs and opinions.  All I ask is for that same respect in return.    I share the gospel and share the works that God has done in me because I am overjoyed by all He has done for me and I don’t want to keep that joy all to myself.  If I can show other people how much joy He has brought to my life, maybe they too, can experience that same joy by accepting Him into their lives. In John 4:13-14, Jesus states: “"Anyone who drinks this water (the world) will soon become thirsty again.  But those who drink the water I give (Jesus) will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life (joy)."  It’s not about forcing someone to believe, it’s about showing them the possibilities IF they believe.  And if they choose not to accept Him, that’s their choice and their right.  Some of the decisions I make today are not the same decisions I would have made in my “old life”, but they are my decisions and I own them. If they don't affect you, please respect my own right to have my own belief system and opinions.

My mom and dad, who haven’t been to church in close to 20 years, attended with us Sunday.  It was so amazing to be able to share our church family and our joy with them.  I can’t explain it.  It was a great Easter Sunday for sure.  The hard work of our friends from the past few weeks paid off as there were many who crossed that stage as new believers of the gospel!  PRAISE GOD!  Lives are being changed. Marriages are being changes.  Families are being changed.  Generations are being changed.  

God is mighty to save indeed.

Redeemed

Here are the videos Jed and I both used for our Christian Retreat Weekend talks.  Thank you Lord for loving us.

Jed's CRW Video (click this link)

Becky's CRW Video

Redemption

The men’s CRW (Christian Retreat Weekend) 2013 closed yesterday with cheers of joy, love, peace, and freedom.  Freedom in Christ.  My eyes witnessed miracle upon miracle this weekend while helping.  For my family and me, the miracle happened when my shy, quiet, keeps-everything-to-himself husband stood up in front of a room of about 100 men and gave his testimony of forgiveness.  How ONLY through the power of our holy God was he able to step out of his comfort zone to share with other men what God has done in his life.  How he forgives because he has been forgiven first by the only One that matters. And all the glory to God, because without Him, our marriage would not have survived.  Without God, I shudder to think where we would both be.  Modern day miracles – they do still happen, just maybe not the way you think they should happen! 

Our story is one of infidelity, pride, faithlessness, and dysfunction. I should say our story WAS a story of those things.  God has redeemed our story creating a new one, with Him at the center. A new story of grace, humility, love, and compassion.  From the pit of muck and mire He rescued us.  Like a mother bird caring for her chicks, He plucked us out of the mud, cleaned us up with His gentle touch, and carefully placed us under His wing for protection.  Amen to saving grace!  There is no more hiding, no more lying, no more faking it.  We are free to be US, as God created us to be – no more worrying about what others think of us.  No more being ashamed of what we went through because ultimately His plan has prevailed.  Yes, there were earthly consequences and deep sorrow for our actions, but ultimately, it was JESUS who paid for our sins and failures on that cross, NOT US. 

There is a certain healing that comes with giving your story.  Through all of the hurt that Jed and I have both endured working through, we both learned about ourselves.  A certain strength grew.  A strength to fight for our God, to fight against what is wrong, to stand firm in our faith…TOGETHER.  What an amazing feeling to be a part of God’s kingdom doing HIS work.  We also learned about the people around us and how to see them with different eyes.  A change in perspective.   Because God sees US differently than the world sees us.  

I realize that there are still people out there who still don’t understand our story or our journey to faith.  They don’t understand that it isn't just one single event that tears a marriage apart.  You can’t have a house without walls, and you can’t have a marriage without love and respect.  It’s just easier to place blame on the most obvious failures that everyone sees.  But our lives are like puzzle pieces.  We only see bits and pieces of the lives of those around us, but God sees the whole puzzle put together. He sees how the sexual abuse piece fits together with the eating disorder piece.  How the death of a family member piece fits together with the drug and alcohol abuse piece.  How the verbal abuse piece fits together with infidelity piece.  God sees so much more than us.  He sees the reasons and motives behind everything that happens - He sees what we don’t.  So before you look at a marriage and think, “They've got the perfect marriage” or “Why is she still with that guy?”, remember that God sees something we don’t.  Maybe that “perfect marriage” is on the brink of divorce.  Maybe she’s still with “that guy” because behind closed doors he treats her with respect and dignity and makes her laugh.  Don’t believe everything you “think” you see.  Don't judge what you don't know.

As I watched over 100 men file into the chapel for the closing of the weekend yesterday, one thought popped into my head.  No drug, no relationship, no amount of money can replace that feeling of being truly free in Christ.  It was a high like none other I have ever experienced before.  Those God moments are so incredibly precious to me and they just keep getting better!  Thank you Lord for your unending mercies.  Thank you for always keeping Your promises to prosper and not harm us!

CRW 2013

The women’s CRW (Christian Retreat Weekend) 2013 is now just a memory, but definitely not forgotten.  I am continually amazed at God’s perfect plan unfolding around me.  There are no such things as coincidence, just God’s puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly, just as He has designed.

I had the honor and privilege to speak to this year’s CRW candidates on the topic of “Grace”.  Not only how I have been shown grace by my husband, my family, and my friends, but how God has shown an immeasurable amount of grace to me.  And it is because of His grace that I am compelled to show grace to others.  I can’t even put in to words the measure of my gratitude to Him – I get tears every time I think about where I could be had He not opened my eyes and plucked me out of darkness.  I have learned through my sometimes ugly, sometimes frightening, sometimes beautiful journey that I’m not just a sinner, but that I’m a forgiven sinner.  Not because I’M good, but because HE’S good.  And it has been this change in perspective that has made all the difference in my life.  When I look at how sinful I am, but am still loved and forgiven and shown grace by a merciful God, how can I not show that same compassion and mercy to other sinners who are just like me?  When I look at people with a different perspective, maybe more like God's perspective, it compels me to forgive because *I* have been forgiven. Thank you Lord.  Thank you.

My world has been rocked in just the short time since CRW – and the words I use to try to describe all that has happened will not even do it justice.  Each time I think I “get it”, God opens my eyes that much wider.  The miracles I have been witnessing over this past week can absolutely, most definitely, ONLY be from God himself.  Things that are happening that are out of the realm of human capacity.  Yesterday during church service, I was overcome by an enormous wave of gratitude and humility.  Thank you God, for allowing me to be a part of your greater plan.  He is using not only me, but Jed too, in mightier ways than I ever could have possibly imagined.  Who am I to be the mouthpiece for God?  Who am I to give advice?  Who am I to comfort?  Ever heard the phrase, “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips those He calls.”?  No truer words have been spoken.  I am not equipped – but He has given me everything I need to be His servant.  What a humbling experience!  And He is faithful to keep His promises.  When we walk ahead in faith, He will work all things together for His good, even if they don’t make sense to us at the time.

Our church is doing a Bible reading plan called, “Eat This Book” http://www.ehope.org/eat-this-book which takes us through the Bible in a year.  I have gotten farther into the Bible now than I ever have before. (Before this plan I think I got to about Genesis chapter 2!!!)  It has been a challenge to keep up with the readings in the busyness of our lives, but I cannot express how instrumental this plan has been in keeping me in The Word. Daily.  And to have my entire church family reading it together helps to keep us all accountable to one another.  I have an insatiable hunger to read more and more and to keep learning and growing.  As I said before, just when I think I “get it”, even more is revealed to me! How awesome is that?!?

During my reading this morning, I was dumbfounded as I read.  Since starting this reading plan, I have been ruminating over the Exodus and WHY God forced the Israelites to remain in the wilderness for 40 years.  Because of their disobedience!  The parallel to my own life is astonishing. For several years in mine and Jed’s early marriage, we were wandering in the wilderness.  But Deuteronomy 8:2-5 explains exactly WHY God did what He did, “Remember how the Lord your God led you through the wilderness for these forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands. Yes, he humbled you by letting you go hungry and then feeding you with manna, a food previously unknown to you and your ancestors. He did it to teach you that people do not live by bread alone; rather, we live by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. For all these forty years your clothes didn’t wear out, and your feet didn’t blister or swell. Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the Lord your God disciplines you for your own good.” I realize that wandering in our own wilderness was God’s way of testing us and refining us – FOR OUR OWN GOOD!  But the best part?  Deuteronomy 8:6-10 says, “So obey the commands of the Lord your God by walking in his ways and fearing him. For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land of flowing streams and pools of water, with fountains and springs that gush out in the valleys and hills. It is a land of wheat and barley; of grapevines, fig trees, and pomegranates; of olive oil and honey. It is a land where food is plentiful and nothing is lacking. It is a land where iron is as common as stone, and copper is abundant in the hills. When you have eaten your fill, be sure to praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.”  He has brought us to our very own “Promised Land”.  A land where Jesus is the center of our family, where we are prosperous, where we are spiritually fed.  We want for nothing.  And the only payment God requests of us?  TO GIVE HIM THANKS!  So when people wonder why so many of my conversations revolve around God, Jesus, and the miracles He has performed in our lives, it is because I just can’t thank Him enough.  

Gratitude

It’s been a rough few months on my end physically. As many of you are aware, I have been suffering from chronic jaw pain due to TMJ and migraines for years. When you are physically feeling so rotten, it begins to wear on you emotionally and spiritually. When you can’t even care for your own children and you have to rely on your husband and friends to take care of them, the guilt sets in. When you are consistently needing to take time off of work because you can’t even see straight and you are sick to your stomach? It is a horrible, vicious cycle and I just want out of it! But alas! There is hope! Even on those days when I am feeling as low as I do, I still have hope. A bright and shining hope of healing. During Sunday’s sermon I was brought to tears when Pastor Matt was preaching about our prayer lives and how God answers prayer. Some of us pray for financial stability, relationships, health, jobs, etc. and sometimes we feel as though those prayers aren't being answered. but, God answers every prayer, maybe just now how we want our prayers answered. His answers to our prayers are either “Yes”, “No”, or “Wait”. And that last one is tricky and sometimes extremely difficult….but he explained it very clearly and my eyes were finally opened. In my case, I have earnestly been praying for healing. And I will be healed, it’s just a matter of when. I might be healed on this side of Heaven, or I might just have to wait until I am joined with Him in eternity. And that is my hope. That even if I am not healed on this side of Heaven, I will eventually be healed by His mighty hands. When I finally reach that place where “He will wipe every tear from my eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.” Because “all of those things are gone forever." AMEN and halleluiah! Oh how I long for that day – for so many of us. “While I’m waiting, I will worship.” So today, I wait. I wait for the day when we are all healed….from headaches, infertility, back pain, cancer. When we are all healed from bitterness, unforgiveness, abuse, addictions. The day is coming, but until then, we wait with joyful hope. 

Last week we had our very first Parent-Teacher conferences with Nora’s preschool teacher, Mrs. Kruse and let me tell you, pride may be considered a sin, but I was never more proud of our daughter than I was that night. Yes, I am a sinner! We were told how considerate, respectful, obedient and kind Nora is. We were told she is intellectually above and beyond the norm for her age. We were told that she prays every prayer and is very attentive during chapel and very much enjoys going to chapel. Her report stated that "Nora writes the word 'Mom' in her journal." and Mrs. Kruse showed her journal to us with "Mom" written in it several times. I would be lying if I said I didn't tear up a little. My baby girl still thinks about me even when I’m not there. All of these things I have prayed for her and those prayers are being answered. My how good God has been to us! (And yes, this is my "mom moment" to brag about my kids...because I can!) 

Archer is in the “trying three’s” stage right now. Anything and everything with him is met with resistance. He is definitely blazing his own trail and finding his way! And yet, even when he is so stinkin’ grouchy, I can’t help but just love him and the age he is at right now. He is so much fun and his innocence is so pure. He doesn’t care if people see him hugging and kissing his mom - in fact he gets upset if I DON'T give him a hug. I dread the day when my kids become “too cool” to be seen showing their old mom any kind of affection. I am just soaking these young days with the kids up while I can because time is slipping out from under me entirely too quickly. 

And with that, I leave one final thought. Now that it’s November and it’s a month of gratitude and thanksgiving (which should be EVERY month), I just want to make it clear how grateful I am for changed hearts. Because had God not chiseled away at Jed or myself, I fear for the darkness that my family would be in right now. I humbly thank you Lord for your favor shown to my beautiful little family. What are you thankful for today?

Restoration