Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Change...It's Not Just Quarters & Nickels!

I'm finding it harder and harder to explain my feelings these days and I'm beginning to get frustrated!  For the past 3 months I have undergone a significant spiritual transformation that can only be described as my "rebirth".  I am not the same person I used to be.  Well, I am, but I'm not.  (See...this is why I get so frustrated! Gah!)  I'm the same Becky as in I still like to have as much fun as I can, I still like to cuddle and play with my kids, I'm still terrified of tornadoes, I still quote every movie I have ever seen, I still like to tease my husband (as often and as loudly as possible!), but my inner core has changed.  My foundation has evolved from this wandering, drifting, "I-don't-know-myself" being to one of knowing who I am and knowing what I believe in.  Things are becoming more clear to me and my convictions are becoming stronger and stronger the closer I become with Christ.  If you have ever been through this transformation before, you know the struggle I am talking about.  How do you express yourself and these overwhelming emotions? I'm trying to express myself through words by blogging (hello Mrs. Conspicuous...nice to hear from you!) but it just isn't enough. And is it ever too much? My love for Christ is not something that I am ashamed of or am willing to hide just because it isn't "popular" or isn't "becoming".  If it's something people don't like about me, they don't like it.  That's out of my control and I can't worry.  But I refuse to suppress my faith based on the opinions of others.   The "old" me might have done so just to keep peace and remain unobtrusive, but I just can't do that anymore.  I can't.

I am reading the Bible and can't seem to get enough, but I don't feel like I'm "reading it right" or getting as much out of it as I could be.  So, ask and ye shall be given, right?  That's exactly what has happened!  I have been praying that I can continue on my walk with the Lord and to keep this fire in my soul burning brightly.  God has answered my prayer in the form of a 12-week women's Bible study group at our church called "Girlfriend's Upgrade".  I will be meeting with 11 other women and 2 leaders on Saturday mornings to discuss the role that God has created for us as women and how to apply what He has to say to us to our daily lives.  It also involves holding each other accountable and taking responsibility for our marriages, our children, our relationships, our jobs, etc.  This is the shorter version of the men's study that Jed is currently in called Top Gun.  The first meeting is this Thursday and I am anxious to meet alot of new women to share and grow in my faith with! 

One of the most amazing things I have had the privilege of experiencing is finding a peace and calm within myself that can only be described as sublime.  Jed and I had a discussion this weekend about our walks of faith and I tried to describe how I'm feeling...that things are just...right where they should be.  And the quote by Gandhi that I've heard many times over sums it up:  “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."  I couldn't have put it into better words myself.  And we vowed to each other that if we begin to backslide, that we will hold each other accountable (and not get mad at each other!).  And I have backslid over the past 3 months. Oh I have backslid! I have had to check myself and take responsibility for things that I am not proud of.  This change is a progression and if I want to grow and move forward, I have to allow for mistakes, not only with myself, but with others.  Tolerance and flexibility are the very nature of change.  But I will never go back to the life I used to live.  I won't allow it.  I will be the first to admit how miserable I was and how empty I felt inside.  And the way I treated other people, including the ones I love the most?  I don't even want to talk about it.  I am so ashamed.  And now? All because of God's grace, mercy and compassion?  I am overflowing with His love. HOORAY GOD!!!!!!!

You know how as a mother you constantly hear your kids yelling, "Mom!  Mom!  Mom!  Mom!" ?  Wanting you to do this for them, wanting you to do that for them, wanting your attention to show you this, wanting your attention to show you that...I have had the privilege of hearing "Dad!  Dad!  Dad!  Dad!" over and over, repeatedly in our house.  I want to applaud my husband for the outstanding work he has put into making himself a better husband and father...just a better overall person.  He has gone outside of his comfort zone to open himself up and be vulnerable to his weaknesses to make himself a stronger man.  As I have stated before, he is in the Top Gun program at Hope and ladies, if you're looking for your man to really learn what it means to be your partner in your life, I suggest looking into that program.  I can't begin to tell you the amazing changes that have taken place.  God is GOOD! 

This past weekend Jed and I went to Des Moines with two other couples from our small group to the Winter Jam Tour 2011.  It's a huge concert with different Christian bands and artists that play about 3-4 songs each, so it's like a little "Christian music buffet" :-)  Some of the bands and artists that were there were there were Chris August, Sidewalk Prophets, KJ-52, NewSong, Francesca Battistelli, RED, Kutless, David Crowder Band, & Newsboys.  It.  Was.  Awesome.  We will most definitely be going again next year.  And it was only $10 to get in the doors!

Yes, you are seeing correctly.  This is the drummer for Newsboys.  He was actually SPINNING while playing here.  At a 90 degree angle.  Astounding.

And with that, I leave you with a passage of scripture that I have found very helpful within the past few months.  I hope it brings insight and understanding to you all as well!

"Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God.  So let's stop condemning each other.  Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall". 
Romans 14:12-13.

1 comment:

  1. I love you Becky!!! Its so awesome to see what Gods doing in you life, in your relationship with Jed etc! We are so happy you are in our lives-your hunger is contagious. So glad you guys came this weekend :)